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12:13 PM

► ERAP JOKES

Posted by Jansen Norico

SEX IN THE MOVIES

Reporter: "Mr. President, what can you say about sex in the movies?"

Erap: "I am against it. Ang daming motel, bakit pa sila nagsi-sex
sa sinehan. Hindi dapat yan."

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KAMUKHA DAW

Jingoy: Dad, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal,
pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon?

Erap: Mukha kang pera.

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FIRST LOVE

Ininterbyu si Erap tungkol sa kanyang lovelife:

Reporter: First love?
Erap: Never dies, syempre.
Reporter: About your first crush?
Erap: Ahh? awa ng Diyos, sa dami ng flight ko ngayon, wala naman.

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THE ORDER

In a Japanese restaurant.

Erap : Bigyan mo ako nung TA-KEHO-ME, waiter.

Waiter : Sir "Take Home" po ang basa diyan.

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THE WIFE

Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap,

"I haven't met your wife. Where is she?"

Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, "Oh, my wife just passed away."

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HISTORICAL

ERAP: Pare,may problema ako sa kumare mo.
Masyadong historical tuwing nag-aaway kami.

PARE :Baka hysterical ang gusto mong sabihin.

ERAP: Hindi, historical talaga, pare.
Kasi pag kami nag-aaway, lagi na lang niyang
inuungkat 'yung nakaraan.

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12:07 PM

► FIRST TIME NI INDAY

Posted by Jansen Norico

Nagpunta si Inday at ang Amo nya sa Motel..

Papasok pa lang ng kuwarto sa Motel:

Sir: Oh Inday!! Bakit nanginginig ka?

Inday: pasensya na po sir kinakabahan po ako...

Sir: 1st time mo ba?

Inday: Opo sir!

Sir: Saan ba ang switch ng ilaw dito?

Inday: Doon po sir sa uluhan ng kama.....

Nyak....

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11:53 AM

► CAR TEST

Posted by Jansen Norico 

Kapapagawa lang ng sasakyan ng Driver ni Erap sa kasa..

Erap to Driver: Oh, ok na ba yang sasakyan?

Driver: Ok na Sir.. Ah sir, pwedeng pakitingin kung umiilaw yung
parking light
(the driver switches the parking light on..)
Erap: Ok! Gumagana.

Driver: Eh Sir yung headlights, umiilaw ba?
(the driver switches the headlights on)
Erap: OK rin! Gumagana.

Driver: Eh Sir last na.. Yung signal light pakitingin po kung ok na din?
(the driver switches the signal light on)
Erap: Gumagana.. ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana,
ay ayaw.......

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11:46 AM

► THE EXECUTION

Posted by Jansen Norico 

FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of
a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance
to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner
starts the countdown: "10, 9, 8,....".
FVR shouts, "Flood!". In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able
to escape because of the commotion.

It's Cory's turn. She shouts: "Earchquake!". The people watching
the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started
counting again: "10, 9, 8, 7....". Erap had a mental block. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."
Erap shouted: "Fire!".

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11:44 AM

► PASAHE SA ISANG JEEP

Posted by Jansen Norico

Pasahero: Mama, Magkano Po Yung Pasahe?

Driver: 7.50 Yung Minimum

Pasahero: (Dumukot Ito Sa Bulsa Para Kunin Yung Pera Niya, Ngunit sa Di Sinasadyang Dahilan Kulang Yung Pamasahe Niya.) Patay, Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Paano Kaya Ito? (Nag Isip Ito At Lumingon Sa Driver. Napansin Niya Na Duling Ito. Sabi Niya Sa Kanyang Sarili, Tama Duling Yung Driver Sigurado Pag Nagbigay Ako Ng 3.75 di Niya Mapapansin Na Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Kasi Doble Yung Paningin Nito. Inabot Niya Sa Driver Yung Pera.

Ngunit Laking Gulat Niya Nung May Sinabi Yung Driver Sa Kanya.

Driver: Kulang Ito!

Pasahero: Anong Kulang? Di Ba Sabi Mo 7.50 Yung Minimum?

Driver: Oo Nga 7.50 eh Dalawa Kaya Kayo.

Patay! Akala Mo Lusot Kana ha?

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